Ash Wednesday...

Have mercy Father/ On me your son/ Just a damned old sinner/ and ashamed of things I've done/ I beg forgiveness/ For the prayers I've said/ And the lies that burn like coals upon my head.-- From Fathers and Sons by Brian Douglas Phillips

Today is Ash Wednesday, one of those days on the church calendar where I try to pretend that I am an old-pro at all this stuff that I was in the dark about for the better part of my life. But that is, of course, a complete lie. I am to the point where I can think about sin and death and ashes and moving into a season of death and resurrection, but I am still thinking about that smudge on my forehead. I used to joke about how unfortunate it was that UBC's Ash Wednesday services were at night, so we can't go a whole day without people seeing the ashes on our heads. You know, because that is what Ash Wednesday is about... letting people know about my piety and attentiveness to grace.

But I am no pious one, and have awful trouble being attentive to grace. I am frail, prone to long extended bouts of narcissistic obsession. I am slothful in my speech and with my time. I have done, and I have left undone. Nothing more than ashes, and to ashes I will return. But out of the ashes...